Sense of Humor Fail.

It’s been a long weekend.  It was the local Folk festival which meant work was pretty much insane.  And my car broke down on friday.  So maybe I am not in the best of moods today.  So when this popped up on my Facebook friends list I kinda grumped about it.

 

 

 

Ok, I maybe having a total sense of humor fail today, but this pissed me off.  For one thing, I don’t do this (there was a famous time a freind made me jump playing the first Resident Evil game and I trew the controller across the room though), and second of all I have witnessed male gamers do it just as much as female gamers, especially playing racing games.  And I realised over the weekend that even though I now have my PS3 linked to the net I have a fear of joining multiplayer games as my username is obviously female and I have read too much Fat, Ugly or Slutty to dare do it.

The Secret World and I

In an effort to ease my WoW burnout I’ve been pretty much only logging on to raid, which off has left a huge hole in my schedule. So decided to give The Secret World a go.

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Published by Funcom, it’s described as a ‘modern day’ mmo. Horror based, it has elements from HP Lovecraft, Stephen King (the is an Overlook Motel), as well as conspiracy theories and urban legends being thrown in the mix. You can chose from 3 factions, The Illuminati (they aren’t giant lizards sorry), The Templars and The Dragons. I chose the dragons as I liked the deck combos, but more on that later.

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I was a little disappointed with character creation. In someways it’s really detailed, you chose you entire outfit, and there are loads or hairdos and make up choices to chose from, but you can’t customise your height, weight or build, which I liked about the other Funcom title Age of Conan. So you are stuck with a generic skinny and slightly flat chested female character, whereas I like to make my character of a bigger build.

It’s not a newbie friendly game I have to say. It tells you about Ability Points and Skill Points, but not much more than that. The beauty of the game is you continually gain AP and SP, so you can eventually get every skill in the game, but it doesn’t make that clear at first. You build what are called Decks: Weapon and Skill sets that suit your play style. When you start the game you chose your first weapon skills, then you can combine it with a second weapon skill. For example my character uses Blades and Elemental magic, but you can have any combination. And as you gain more points you can build more decks, so you aren’t stuck with one role. Rather than character levels you progress through gear level, or Quality Level. And you can repeat quests aft a set amount of time, so say you have completed all content with one Deck, then you can go back and do it again to build other Decks. This isn’t however explained to you when you start up, or it’s not very clear if it is explained.

Gameplay wise I love it. Rather than buttloads of quests to ‘kill X number of Y mobs’, there are investigation quests which involve puzzles and research, and sabotage missions, which involve stealth and cunning. For example in one quest you have to decipher a message in morse code, so you have to look up how to do that. There are even web pages set up for the game you have to find to get needed info. However I am well aware this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, so whilst it attracts me, it probably puts others off.

Graphically it’s very pretty, but it requires damn good hardware to run on anything more than the lowest settings, or so I’ve found. And the background music is very atmospheric, though maybe a tad repetitive after a while. It’s one of the few games recently to creep me out and I feel the BGM has a lot to do with it.

But does it have staying power? Can I see myself continuing to play it once MoP hits? I honestly don’t know. But what the hell, I’m having fun now, and that’s the main thing!

So if you are on the EU servers look out for Elphane.

The Battlechicken July Challenge

As I’m not gaming much at the moment, I figured I’d try and blog about a few other things to pad my blog out a bit.  So after reading a very brave post by Dragonray I decided I would make a post too.  It’s something I have thought about blogging about before but I wasn’t sure if it was too personal for a gaming blog (though I do talk about other stuff a lot too so I guess it would have been ok anyway) and it is quite a personal issue, not as heartrending as Dragonray’s post, but still something that is difficult to write.  So here goes.  My entry to the Battlechicken July Challenge.

Why Does Morrigu Play MMO’s?

It’s kind of sad really.  And not easy to admit.  But I have crippling self-esteem issues.  I find it very hard to interact with people in real life, so I started playing MMO’s.  I’m ‘me’ but not me in online games.  The game offers a safety screen between me and other people, so I don’t have to face them IRL and risk… Whatever it is I am scared of.

A bit of background here.  From the age of 10 I was badly bullied, at the same time I became a carer for my mother who has MS.  I was always an independent child, I liked what I liked and it wasn’t a problem until I left primary school.  I was a tomboy who liked The Beatles and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Sonic the Hedgehog.  The summer holiday between primary school and middle school seemed to change everything.  My mum became ill, and a new girl arrived in the village, a girl I didn’t get to meet until school started but who everyone else seemed to have met and become friends with.  For some reason, she took an instant dislike to me, to this day I don’t know why, and that was the beginning of the worst 3 years of my life.  I went from having a good number of friends, a couple of them close, to pretty much no friends at all.  Anyone who spent time with me came in for the same treatment as me, so to them it just wasn’t worth it.  The only person who stuck by me even for a while was G, who was my best friend back then, and is now my fiance, but eventually even he distanced himself from me after rumors were spread about him getting me pregnant.  We were 11 or 12 at the time.  I don’t hold this against him, god knows he feels terrible about it to this day though.  The school did nothing to help me, according to the head teacher there was no such thing as bullying, there was something wrong with me and it was all my fault.  I was sent to special classes, my tormentors got made class principles and bus monitors.  Yay.

So school sucked, and at home I was in charge of caring for mum.  Dad worked full-time, and my brother and sister were grown up and lived 200+ miles away.  So pressure there as well.  Not that I hold it against my mum, it wasn’t her fault, but back then there wasn’t the support for carers there are now, so I was pretty much on my own.

Luckily when I went to high school at 13, the teachers there promised me my bullying would stop.  And within 6 months it had.  They didn’t punish me, they punished the bullies.  But by then the damage was done.

My social skills are pretty bad.  Or I think they are, I’ve been told they are not.  But no matter how close I seem to be to people, I still feel like the outsider, and that I’m not really welcome.  I hate to say it but I even feel that way in my Warcraft guild.  After all, why would anyone want to be friends with me, I have something wrong with me.  I don’t know what that Something is, it’s just there, and people can sense it.  Sometimes I think even G senses it, there are times I am convinced he will turn round and tell me this whole relationship has been a cruel, elaborate joke.  Which doesn’t make sense I know.

I work as a barmaid, which isn’t as hard as you might think for someone like me, but it’s not been that bad.  The person I am behind that bar though?  It’s not the real me, and wouldn’t stand up to close scrutiny if that makes sense.  I can chat away about random stuff, but no one, not even the regulars will even get to know the real me.

I have people who I call friends.  I care about them dearly, but I can’t even pick up the phone to call them in case I bother them.

So I play Warcraft, and SWTOR and other games because I can be me without people getting to see or hear the real me, because if they did, they wouldn’t like me any more.  I can pretend, for a while, I am  a Worgen Druid, not a damaged 30 something human.

Scary thing is?  This is a huge improvement on how I was 4 years ago.  I lead a relatively normal life.  I work, I go out, I can even socialize up to a point.  But there is always that nagging doubt that I don’t fit in.

And bloody hell, am I lonely sometimes.